And now It's just Me and You, little one
I should have told you to leave a long time ago. I let you walk all over us, followed your ridiculous rules, tried to conform to your stupid ideas and still I wasn't good enough. You broke things, parts of me, parts of my property and you didn't care. Caring is something you seem incapable of. I hope you are never happy, and I hope someone treats you how you treated me. Blame others as much as you like, but it is your fault. Until you grow up you will never realise what you did. I am thankful that my parents taught me to care about others.
I will trust everybody, until they don't deserve it.
I will love everyone, because you can never have enough love in your life.
I will try to forgive but I'll never forget.
Some people are just not worthy of the above.
Trying hard to find a picture that encapsulates how I feel right now. It's harder than I thought.
I feel like I am wrong. Everything I do is wrong, everything I don't do is wrong. I look 'wrong' I sound wrong, I move wrong, and it's the one person that is supposed to make me feel right about myself who is causing this 'wrong'. Apparently it's understood, but what isn't understood is that every time I get put down, told how wrong I am, it makes me realise that actually its US that's wrong.
We're going on holiday soon and I'm so much looking forward to it, but also dreading it just the same, and I shouldn't be dreading it, but he will be there, and right now I can't imagine anything worse than being in a plane with him for that duration, then spending all this time with him. Though I will be relieved when it's over, I can make the decision I need to make then.
I feel like a host: hosting his life while trying and failing to get on with my own. For me it's not just about 'me' I have someone else to look out for, and she doesn't need to see it. Doesn't need to see her mother being downtrodden, shouted at, sworn at, belittled. I need this to stop for both our sakes and if he doesn't stop then unfortunately his life party is over. No doubt he will find someone else... drawn in by the mystery or whatever it was that drew me in, but it wont last. No one can live up to the hypocritical expectations of his.
